I couldn't possibly do that!

Most of my family comment that I've changed.

It's not surprising, really, we all change over time and then we get shaped by events that happen to us.

So they're probably right, I probably have changed.


I still feel the same (about 17 and geekily awkward and not fully at ease with myself) but I know the evidence is there...on the outside to anyone who has known me for more than a couple of years.

However, bits of the "old" me are now popping up again. The one who likes to fiddle with bits of code to get things to work; the one who will sit and play piano, guitar or cello for a while just because I feel like it. To be honest, I'd almost forgotten that those parts of me ever existed. There are other things too. It's come as a bit of a surprise.

Also a surprise was my apparent willingness, and ability to pull off something TD has been worried about: my credibility as someone in the landscape/architecture industry.

A visit to stay with S turned from all social to a mix of social and business when we attended a public meeting on a proposed development in the town.

Not only was I happy to put myself in someone's face to talk about the development in quite forthright terms (that's new me, that is) but after about five minutes of talking the chap I was speaking to said "you're in the business, aren't you?". This was repeated with the other two people I launched myself at. Phew.

Since then I've attended a networking breakfast and I'm about to go to a sustainability conference which means travelling up to London and staying there overnight. Old me would have been terrified at the prospect and, given the choice, would have just avoided it but I'm not even really thinking about it.

I guess the oddest thing is that I'm not really doing this consciously. It's instinctive.

I've still no idea where I'm going and I'm generally not looking more than a couple of weeks ahead but I'm feeling more in control and more able to deal with the slings and arrows of....well, whatever, really.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is "good" or "right" I'm saying this is how it is for me at the moment. Maybe it's a facet of my age and situation. Maybe enough things have happened to me and those I love...good things as well as bad...that truly make me believe that you might as well get on with the now because you really don't know what's around the corner.

Then again...maybe it's just a phase I'm going though.



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