Readjustment

It's all been rather a whirl since I finished work. A couple of work-related social engagements; Christmas shopping and a school reunion.


I've had no time to miss my old job. Actually, it just feels like I've not been in for a couple of days.

M asks if I feel OK about it. I'm non-committal.

The seminal moment for me was at the school reunion...or should I say, an informal gathering of people who went to the same school.

This is the second such meet-up in about as many months. This time there were a few more people, including someone I used to hang out with, and play music with. It's been 27 years since I've seen him.

We sit and chat. 27 years pretty much drop away as we catch up with what we do now and how it relates to how it was then.

Wandering off and talking to other people was pleasant and polite. I suck at smalltalk but we all got by.

Once I got home, still smiling from the pleasant evening, I realised that none of us had changed all that much.

The popular girls were still the popular girls. The outsiders were still on the edge a little but the differences were a lot less marked. I still found the guys a little easier to chat to than the girls.

What struck me is that the difference for me is that I no longer care that much whether or not I fit someone else's definition of "normal".

It was a timely realisation in that the one school friend I kept in touch with told me her teenage daughter seems to be having a bit of rough time of things - and it seems to be in part to do with the pressure to conform.

Today I go out with my business partner for a survey trip for work. We've been pals for a couple of years and part of the reason I find him easy to be with is his lack of coventionality. He's told me that he didn't really fit in at school either.

It was a pleasant afternoon. A coffee, a sandwich in the car...a drive, a look at some land, some photos, no hidden agendas, no subterfuge. Just a couple of mates doing some work.

My 16 year old self wouldn't believe I could do this. My 22 year old self was striving but failing to fit in so much that she wouldn't have even seen the opportunities.

This 46-year old says that you know who the real friends are. The ones who love you just for you are. Who, even when you're pissing them off, would never ditch you for someone else just because someone else "better" or "more interesting" came along.

Despite the uncertainty I have in my life at the moment, I've never had so many real friends. 27 years seems like a long time to learn what's important...and no time at all.


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The view from up here

So...there we go.

27 years in the financial services industry ends with a low key presentation (at my request) and a quiet exit with a few hugs.


Some conniving by a couple of colleagues with an ex-colleague/friend with an entirely un-work-related friend (through the magic of Facebook) sees me with a gift token from my camera provider of choice.

Messages flow in, people pop to my desk to see me...promises to see me at the pub on Thursday. All saying I'll be missed.

I have a note from the department boss - low key, appreciative & understanding of my reasons for leaving.

So just remind me again why I'm doing this?

It no longer fits. It's difficult to get passionate about financial services. It's very important, it provides a vital safety net for people...hell, I've even been on the receiving end of the benefits and I can attest to the peace of mind it gives.

But passion?

Nah...

I didn't leave to do something else specific...I left because I needed to leave.

I guess all of this started with the loss of "Idiot Boy". Suddenly I needed to look around me again and take stock.

I suspect this is the natural culmination of having more time to look around at things and think; more new people to be inspired by and seeing the world again with new eyes.

It's not all good and it's not all bad. It just is.

The question remains..."any regrets?"...

The answer is that I don't really do regrets - and haven't for about 20years...regrets are largely pointless.

This might all go horribly wrong but a wiser man than I said "I'd much rather think that didn't work, having tried it than I wish I'd tried..."

So thank you all I've worked with and for over the last 27 years. Thank you everyone contributed to my leaving gift - and for the connivers SK, JAF, MD and TD for getting it just right. Thank you to "the boss" for respecting wishes with just enough pushing of boundaries.

Thank you for all the friends and family who didn't say "how stupid are you?" but instead said "Go for it".

Oh, and thank you my new business partner for grunting the words "it'll not happen unless you're involved" over coffee one day...

Here's to all the frustrations and difficulties ahead...


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