Saturday 25 April 2009

Drinks From Another Angle



Mocha-drinking pal sits in the sunshine drinking his sweetened white coffee whilst I sup my mug of strong black stuff.


We chatter and bicker. All's well with the world.

At one point I accuse him of being "a big girl". He looked me square in the eye and says that men can't win.

I raise a suspicious eyebrow. Really? You don't think the odds are stacked against women?

"Look," he says "if we do the traditionally strong manly thing you all accuse us of being macho, sexist, mysogenists..."

I'm listening...I think I know where this is going

"...if we show the more gentle side then you called us big girls" We can't win.

I feel slightly ashamed.

He's right (and frankly that's quite annoying) - I have just done to him what I've been objecting to. I've said that his behaviour is not consistent with his gender and I've implied that's a bad thing.

Of course I don't care what coffee or anything else he drinks. It doesn't wholly define him, any more than his love of physical theatre and dance does. Nor his ability to encapsulate the complex technical matter of building plans into a bunch of drawings.

Whilst I'd like to point out that the "big girl" accusation was made in the context of an affectionate mutual mickey-taking conversation...it has made me think again.

I believe it is a man's world for the most part but that's still no excuse...

Sorry, matey


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Monday 20 April 2009

This Girl's Life


"You're not, like, a real woman, are you?", says DrC once.

When I raised a quizzical eyebrow he hurredly sought to undo the insult he felt he'd just levelled at me.

"No...no...what I mean is, you're not very feminine..."

He looked at my face which pretty much asked whether I should take his shovel away.

With one final attempt to get over his meaning without being rude to his friend he grasps at "You're not very girlie"

He thus reaches the appropriate compromise and he finally stops digging.

The reason that "idiot boy" and I got together, ultimately, was that at the age of 21 (more years ago than I choose to admit) I had my own computer and printer.

He was impressed by any girl that geeky that she had her own computer kit.

That was the opener and despite different taste in many things, and some very different interests, it turned out we were a good fit.

He liked that I had no time for Jimmy Choos (in fact he would have had little better idea than me what they are) and that instead of wanting a moderately expensive piece of jewellery for my birthday, I craved an extremely expensive cello.

Weirdly, though, in this house we pretty much fit the stereotypical male/female split of duties:

Me: Washing, ironing (rarely), cooking, food shopping, clothes shopping, cleaning the toilets, choosing plants for the garden, booking holidays and packing, understanding mortgages and pensions.

Him: Plumbing, electrics, lawn mowing, bins, heavy work, digging, paying bills, and managing the bank account...oh, and buying and maintaining the computers.

Yep, that's right, despite our initial "attraction" being partly related to my skill with a computer, I lapsed into "user" mode and let him fix stuff for the most part.

So, last Friday, when at 8pm I was cleaning a washbasin and the hot-tap washer failed in a catastrophic way...I was completely bereft of ideas.

What I wanted to do was call for help...that or lie down and have a good cry.

What I actually did was curse Idiot Boy for not being here; fetch several tools that I was preparing to give away on the grounds I'd never use them and consult some reading matter on the subject of taps.

I Tweeted and emailed and got some encouragement and advice.

I priced up an emergency plumber (£200), then dismantled the tap which had a number of seized parts, and then the next day went and bought a suitable washer and effected the repair with, in the end, a minumum of hassle.

Having done it, I have mixed feelings.

Initially I felt quite proud and I got a couple of "well done you" messages from male friends.

Idiot Boy would have merely suggested that, obviously, I was capable of doing it and he would have expected as much. (He would also have been quietly pleased that his girl was no girlie)

But there is a nagging feeling that sometimes perhaps I should, or would like to, be more "girlie" so that I better fit the mould in a society where girls don't often drink pints, know more about Linux than they do about Gucci or fix their own tap washers.

Thing is, I never thought of myself as a conformist...



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Sunday 19 April 2009

The Myth of the Ten-year Plan

"Where was that in your ten-year plan?", asks CJ.

He's referring to a slightly surreal evening I'd had with a couple of friends. That, and the fact that we exchange emails pretty much daily but have never met.

This weekend TW comes to stay with me. We have worked together in the past but her current job with our mutual employer means I haven't seen her for months. It was lovely to catch up and give voice to all our frustrations with work.

She's recently finished her MBA and now she's starting to wonder "what's next".

Also joining us for the afternoon is M. She's having a rough time at the moment and any plans she might have had are up in the air. Her mind is racing ahead at a time when she can only really deal with the immediate future.

Unaware of these conversation TD circulates an ironic and funny, yet sobering cartoon on a similar theme. He's feeling it too.

And today, AB, another friend says on Twitter that he's thinking about life plans.

We vary in age, background, occupation, skills, and marital status.

Yet we're all asking more-or-less the same thing.

I consider, yet again, my plans...immediate, medium and long-term.

A few "appointments" over the next few days...all by choice.
A holiday split between Scotland and Cornwall next month.
An unfolding project at work which may or may not continue. Interesting enough, but it's only work and, therefore, unlikely to be all consuming.

Long term?

Nothing.

No idea.

No dreams.

No aspirations.

No plans.

Is that a bad thing?

Sometimes, yes. It gives me nothing major to plan for, to work towards. Gives me no sense of forward motion, of purpose.

On the other hand it does help me appreciate the now...

A spontaneous walk in the woods with cameras and a dog

Drinking far too much really good gin, chatting about everything under the sun and looking at a book of Robert Mapplethorpe photographs.

Sitting on the back step early in the morning, in the sun, with my netbook and a coffee.

The option to go to the zoo for an hour to take pictures of butterflies.

A bacon sandwich, a coffee and a bicker with a good friend.

Good times spent with a variety of pals in the furtherance of nothing much, other than deepening our friendships.

Surely that can't be bad...




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Sunday 12 April 2009

Happy Easter

I apologise, in advance, for the content of this post. If you're offended by someone being offended by the clergy, best look away now.


The BBC reports that Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury is planning to use his Easter address to say "There's more to life than money".

Errr

No shit, Sherlock!

Sorry - I know that's no way to speak to an Archbishop...

No shit, Your Grace!

Apparently the top ranking Roman Catholic Archbish, Cormac Murphy O'Connor, was to do pretty much the same thing.

I was brought up to go to church - CofE - and I have a huge amount of empathy with the Christian ideal - in fact in the ideals of most of the Abrahamic religions.

On the face of it there are lots of arcane rules, guidelines, observances from the Ten Commandments to the teachings in Leviticus, to the various deadly and cardinal sins etc, etc

But it seems to me that if you ignore the downright silly ones and, excuse me whilst I sideline Commandment #1 (I am the Lord thy God...etc) then it all pretty much boils down to:

- Live your life not at the expense of others.

- Look after people less fortunate than yourself.

I'm an atheist. I never did believe in God but I believe in both of those principles. I'd like to think I do so because they are the right things to do in any civilised society and not because some omniscient being will give me a slap upside the head if I fail.

Anyhow - back to the Easter message. I don't disagree with what they're saying but isn't it just a little patronising?

It's quite an easy thing to say from the comfort of the Bishop's palace. Yes, I know that when they're further down the greasy pole of the holy pecking order they endure relative poverty and work very hard for their crust. But bedecked in their Easter finery and preaching that others should not want designer clothes is a dangerous thing to do, IMHO.

The people for whom they hope this message will mean something will likely know little or nothing about the entirety of ecclesiastical life and would, understandably, feel there is an element of hypocrisy.

This is the problem with organised religions. Not the core of the doctrine, but the way it's delivered to the masses (pun intended).

We all crave security.

Security in being loved by friends and family.
Security in knowing we can be ourselves and not have to fit someone else's mould.
Security in knowing we can pay our bills and feed our children.
Security in knowing our educational or work experience will give us employment.
Security in our faith, perhaps.

It's very easy for those of us who have that sort of security to sneer at those who aspire to it, or what they feel is a near enough replacement.

I know this is going to sound at odds with my last post where I made quite a big deal about money not being everything...but this is about people with some influence potentially making other people feel bad.

So come on guys...

Encourage new parishioners in by giving them a community they can be secure in. Let's not exclude those people who might need that security most...

Who?

Well, it depends on the church, and indeed on the parish.

For example - those whose sexuality is not exploitative and yet frowned on; those who don't fit the parish template; those who choose not to marry but to live together anyway...the list goes on.

There are great examples of clergy who really create an atmosphere of acceptance and a congregation that gives a sense of place and community to all that attend.

Sadly, it's the other type that cause a disproportionate amount of hurt and alienation.

Let's have less of that, eh?




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Ready to Snap


I'm a photographer. There, I've said it.

Today as I lay face down on the thing I laughingly call my lawn, having the sun warm my backside I felt very much at ease.

I had my camera in my hand with a macro lens attached and I was bothering the mini flora and fauna.


It made me think, once again, why I do photography...and why other people do.

Me?

For lots of reasons. Back in 1982 it was to emulate my brother. Something artistic I could do that I might be good at (I wasn't).

In 2006 it was in response to picking up "idiot boy" 's camera and my hands remembering back to 1982. Also thinking it might be something the boy and I could do together.

In 2007, immediately after the boy's abrupt departure it was about sharing something with my much-loved brother outlaw when I needed to keep contact...and a way to still all the thoughts spinning around in my head. Also a way to get out in the fresh air by myself without looking like the sad loner I felt myself to be.

Shortly after, it became a portal to a new bunch of friends and acquaintances.

So what is it now?

To be honest, it depends.

Frequently it's about taking technically good, potentially interesting macro photographs.

Sometimes it's about taking pictures that might sell in a stock library.

Sometimes it's just about looking and using the medium to prove that I actually did see something that once I would have ignored.

Today, specifically, it was about feeling better. I've been feeling very, very down for three or four weeks now and it reached something of a nadir a few days ago. Lots of things conspired to make me feel lousy, and a few things helped me towards an improved demenour - photography being one.

So photography is about mental health for me too...

I know that other people have a different take on the medium

CJ tells me for him it's about the looking and seeing and it's about much more than the result. Many of his photographs are dense...with lots of elements to see. Others are about pattern and form - for me, at least.

DM says he's struggling with the whole thing at the moment. For him, it's mostly about architectural photographs and capuring the spirit of the building in a picture. He's an architect and annoyingly good at getting the unseen angle on the picture.

TD has a very strong visual sense of what he's trying to photograph. He gets disheartened when the picture that comes out is not what his mind saw. He aims for pictures that no one else would see. He often suceeds, but he's his own worst critic.

DrP gets serious withdrawal if he doesn't get out and take pictures pretty regularly. I know nothing of his motivation for photography. I know lots about what he turns out. He can make me look at something mundane in a completely different way.

DrC says he's jealous of the way the other guys see stuff. He's a recent convert to prime lenses and he gets extremely excited about the quality of bokeh he sees. I think he has lots of motivations for photography, a bit like me. Recently he's been looking for the perfect place to take the perfect sunset picture of the city.

Much-loved-Brother-Outlaw kicked in well paid work as a computer programmer to spend his time taking photographs with the aim of selling to a stock library. A calculated but brave move. He's doing pretty well with it and, more importantly, he seems happier for it.

Photography isn't all things to all men (or women) but I love that, in theory at least, it's a democratic medium.

Without it I would potentially be less confident, less be-friended...and $38.90 poorer.

That's some pastime.



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