Mocha-drinking pal sits in the sunshine drinking his sweetened white coffee whilst I sup my mug of strong black stuff.
We chatter and bicker. All's well with the world.
At one point I accuse him of being "a big girl". He looked me square in the eye and says that men can't win.
I raise a suspicious eyebrow. Really? You don't think the odds are stacked against women?
"Look," he says "if we do the traditionally strong manly thing you all accuse us of being macho, sexist, mysogenists..."
I'm listening...I think I know where this is going
"...if we show the more gentle side then you called us big girls" We can't win.
I feel slightly ashamed.
He's right (and frankly that's quite annoying) - I have just done to him what I've been objecting to. I've said that his behaviour is not consistent with his gender and I've implied that's a bad thing.
Of course I don't care what coffee or anything else he drinks. It doesn't wholly define him, any more than his love of physical theatre and dance does. Nor his ability to encapsulate the complex technical matter of building plans into a bunch of drawings.
Whilst I'd like to point out that the "big girl" accusation was made in the context of an affectionate mutual mickey-taking conversation...it has made me think again.
I believe it is a man's world for the most part but that's still no excuse...
Sorry, matey
.
Now if you had called him a big girl's blouse - THAT is a true insult!
ReplyDeleteHow many women do you see in the media once they have reached an age? (Unless thousands have been spent on "maintenance")
None. But it's perfectly OK to see some rumpled has-been male.
Go figure.
Whilst walking the dog this week I passed a lady who lives in our street who, although being my age, often looks younger than her teenage daughters from a distance with very high heels, very short hem line and ....sigh.....the overbleached blonde "now" hairdo.
Yes - I am just a little (or maybe a lot?)jealous of her good genes and worthy body maintenance schedule but all in all would have to say that i prefer to be me with my spotty,comfy slippers. May even take up smoking to complete the look with fag hanging out the mouth!
Or not?
@mocha: I agree with on the actor/presenter/newsreader front. The media doesn't handle "women of a certain age" well at all. Or women who aren't some narrow definition of "attractive".
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, it makes me uncomfortable about my appearance too.
But two wrongs don't make a right. I shouldn't expect mocha-drinker to conform to a stereotype any more than I expect to.